Why blog?

I've gone back and forth about blogging my journey. The delay has mainly happened because I'm simply too busy to blog. But there are moments when people ask me what I did and it's alway difficult to answer that simply. I always wonder if I had recorded my thoughts and steps along the way, would I have been able to default to that for advice, encouragement and guidance not just for others but for myself too. So, here it is. The blog is born.

A little background...
I've never been little. Of course, I thought I was fat in high school, but in retrospect, I was not by any means. I started my weight gain in college. You ever heard of the freshmen 15? Well, I decided to challenge that and some with a huge weight gain of at least 70 pounds over the years. I never weighed myself back then, but I know ABOUT what I weighed. Life happens, right? No. I neglected my body's needs and fed it total crap ALL the time. Portions out of control, more soda than I care to admit. I even drank soda when I carried by daughter. That's how addicted I was. Anyway, July 2013, I went to the doctor for my annual checkup. I told her that we had been trying to conceive with no luck for about 9 months at that point. I also told her that I had been feeling strange stabbing pains periodically and didn't have a reason for them. My October, I was in and out of Dr's offices, specialist offices for 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions. Ultrasounds revealing "something".
Thanks doctors.
Could be a cyst, could be cancer....SOMETHING.
Thanks again.
This something is likely what is causing our inability to conceive and nobody has any idea how serious it is. If it is anything at all. After much debate, my doctor suggested we have diagnostic surgery. If she kinds something terrifying, she'll operate and do what she can to rid my body of this foreign object. If it's not, then, she diagnosis me, sews me up and is out. All for the out of pocket price of $3,000 we don't have. Anyway, considering the possibility of it being something severe we didn't want to risk it.
Hello Wells Fargo emergency loan and extra monthly payment. 
A few hours laters, I wake to find out it was a cyst caused by severe level 4 endometriosis. She said it was one of the worse cases she has seen. It kind of amazes me based on the way she describes it, it's a miracle I had my first daughter. So, the surgery was plan B...Get in, diagnosis, get out...
There's $3,000 I'll never get back. 

After that was more copays for more Dr's trips trying to discuss my options for pain management (because "live with it" seemed to be my treatment plan) and options for the slim chance that we will ever conceive another child. After powerpoint presentations, conflicting doctor's options, but the consistent message being "If you want a baby, give me all of your money", I was sick of feeling like I was being robbed and I let go of the idea of another baby. Sort of....

One of my options for pain management was birth control but I didn't want to totally let go of the idea that I could possibly conceive naturally. I also felt like there had to be a way I could manage most of this naturally. That moment came to me when during my last doctor's visit he was giving me steps on how I can control my situation and one of the steps he told me was "Lose weight." Now, duh...I understood I needed to lose weight. I was realistic about it. But I think what happened to me in that moment was after months and months of feeling like this medical situation was getting totally out of hand, I finally thought to myself, "Maybe I CAN control this".

My next steps....
That moment in the doctor's office wasn't this miraculous moment for me like you may hear others say. I didn't go home and only eat salad and carrots and start working out 3 hours a day. It was still sinking in for me. I went home and google searched.

.....How to conceive when the odds are against you
...How to conceive with endometriosis
....How to manage pain symptoms of endometriosis
...How endometriosis develops

That last google search was huge for me. Why the doctor's didn't tell me what I was reading, I don't know. I've confirmed most of what I read to be true. Maybe doctors don't want you to feel like COMPLETE crap when you leave their office so they fluff things up a little. What  discovered is foods that I was consuming, in massive amounts, on a daily basis, was contributing to the growth and some symptoms of my condition. So here's a logical inference.....if I stop consuming those foods, things should start looking up for me, right? Now don't get me wrong, I understand that the damage done is done and there is nothing I can do about that, but I'm reading things that are giving me a little control over my situation. An even more shocking revelation I had (true or not)....The position I am in is MY FAULT. I choose to fuel my body with all of the wrong things. I chose to deprive my body of all the right things. All of those "wrong things" fueled my estrogen hormone, which fueled the growth and damaged any chance I may have ever had of giving my daughter a sibling. All choices I made. I was angry, hurt and upset for a awhile, but then I reminded myself....I HAVE CONTROL.

April 2013
That was it. I was changing things. I applied my organization skills to how I planned my meals. I was already cooking monthly. I made myself a weekly weight loss plan, combined with my Lose It! app to count my calories. I started walking after work with a coworker. I have a little one, so other ways to workout was difficult, with no membership. I walked laps around a playground while she played. I made it work. She had some friends who played with her. About a month later, I got a gym membership. With summers off, I went to the gym 6 days per week, stayed 2 hours each time. Started a workout plan of cardio (Usually Zumba!) and weights. I did a 12 week program that I was insanely proud of once I was done. I actually, for the first time ever, LOVED the gym, loved fitness, loved the progress I was making. The clean eating caused my skin to clear up ALMOST RIGHT AWAY. I was getting comments all the time. I dropped about 25 pounds between April and early June, another 20 or so with my intense workouts over summer. Between the months of April and December, I've lost a total of 64 pounds. My total weight loss goal is 73 pounds. I am almost there. I've slowed down a bit on my plan, and I'm working to stay on track. I feel great and that's important to me. My journey is far from over....I have some more to lose, my muscle to gain and a goal to maintain.

I have to stay focused.